


Part of Him

by MooshLovely



Category: MindCrack RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Character Death, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-05 23:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4199901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MooshLovely/pseuds/MooshLovely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Etho is a rogue ninja. Nebris is part of a military organization aimed at taking him out. Nebris loves Etho, Etho loves Nebris, but will Nebris choose his job over his love? How long will Etho wait?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part Of Him

Nebris glanced at Etho's home and continued walking. Memories of good times, of long talks, of games played made him smile, even as his brain told him it was over. Why had he ever let himself get close enough to his enemy to get hurt? The kind of hurt that made his heart ache and yearn to run back. He knew Etho would forgive him and take him back, but he wouldn't have the strength to leave again. If only he had stayed away from the start, then he wouldn't have had to choose. 

He didn't know why he always took this path, there were other, faster, ways home. Maybe it was because part of him still thought he made the wrong choice. Surely, his job was not worth the pain that tore at his heart every night as he struggled to fall asleep. Maybe he could convince his commander that this enemy was different, like he couldn't so many months ago. But then he would be accused of going soft, of falling for the enemy's tricks.

Nebris stopped and turned around, maybe if he just saw his face . . . no. He should leave now before he did something he would regret, but his feet kept walking and his eyes peered hopefully in the windows.

"Never regret what once made you smile." Behind him he felt two gentle arms wrap around his waist. Etho's voice was soft, ghosting over his ear and his heart leapt at the sound. He relaxed into it. "I'll always wait for you." He felt the warmth of a kiss on his neck, then it was all gone. 

The cold air rushed to fill the void. Around him the night was silent, at once the stars were brighter and forest darker. He shuddered. He would have thought it all a vivid dream if it weren't for warmth on his neck, lingering. He lifted his hand to it, wanting to preserve all the heat. 

His chest tightened, he turned and continued walking. Part of him hoping that Etho would just come back and hold him, the rest knowing that it was his decision alone and Etho wouldn't interfere no matter what he chose. Etho would respect his choice even as it tore at him. How could he walk away when Nebris could barely stand? 

He knew if turned now he could still see Etho's retreating form and he knew that if he just spoke up, Etho would be at his side in an instant. He didn't dare look. A single tear slid down his cheek, calmly betraying the whirlwind of thoughts that tore him apart inside.

Nebris vowed to take a different route home.

(but part of him knew he would always return)

(and maybe, someday, it would be for good)


	2. So Be It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew I was forgetting to do something. Here, have the next heart breaking chapter.

There was a piece of paper waiting on Nebris' desk when he went into work after the weekend.

"Debriefing in my office. Come quickly." Even on paper, it sounded condescending. There was no signature but this sort of thing was routine and Nebris knew where he was expected to be. He sighed and put his jacket down, leaving the room before he had a chance to really enter. The commander's office was only a few doors down the plain hallway and when Nebris entered there were already ten people in there. A hush fell over the room and he pretended not to notice.

"Now we may begin. Pause and Nebris will lead a team of four each into the home of Mr. Etho Slab." Nebris didn't breathe. Commander Vechs continued talking but his eyes were trained on Nebris, waiting for a reaction. Nebris drew a silent shaky breath and nodded, so be it. He received a nod in return. "I expect him brought here alive, whether or not he's injured, I could care less. Move out."

For once Nebris was glad for the rumors about his fondness for Etho, he was avoided by everyone on their way out and just maybe they wouldn't hurt Etho if they knew Nebris was watching. Which was probably the exact reason Nebris was leading the second team. If all went as planned he would never even need to enter the house. He hoped they knew, nothing with Etho ever went as planned.

They walked silently in broken clumps to the stables. What a great team they were, though he shouldn't be one to talk, he didn't try to start a conversation either. They saddled the horses and were off. Nebris tried very hard to not think about what he was about to do. 

When they reached the location, a quaint little home on a mountain, Pause's group dismounted, walked up to the door, and knocked. They had to at least be able to say that they tried to be civil. 

No one answered, Nebris could have told them that much. They pushed the door open and stepped inside. Moments later Nebris heard the shrill call of the whistle, they needed back up. Had they expected Etho to just give up? Nebris' troops vaulted from their horses and ran to the door. 

Nebris entered the house in the midst of his troops and saw exactly what he had expected. Etho, graceful even in the midst of battle, fighting Pause. They were surrounded by the dead bodies of Pause's men. Nebris and his troops entered the fray but Etho still had the upper hand. He was dancing around the room, faster and deadlier. Pause and two of Nebris' men were dead before Nebris even had time to draw his sword. Etho turned and swung, blade arching above Nebris head, coming down fast, then recognition lit his eyes. The smile beneath his mask faltered and fell. When their swords clashed there was no fight behind Etho's.

Nebris felt it as they fought, Etho was giving up ground. He continued to fight, but he was slower now and he had switched solely to defense. Nebris pinned his arms to wall. He didn't struggle, just dropped his sword and gave up. Etho leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. His body sagged, until Nebris was nearly holding him up. 

Nebris' throat constricted, it pained him to see Etho giving up, accepting his fate, everything that made him who he was, gone. In that moment all Nebris wanted was for Etho to wrap him up in a hug, to tease him, and love him. Etho didn't move, for all that it mattered.

"Etho?" His voice was tiny, barely a whisper and it cracked when he spoke. Etho opened his eyes but they were dull, void of light that Nebris had grown to love. And it was his fault.

He was reason Etho gave up, to protect him and he was repaying him by letting his men handcuff him and drag him away. He stepped away, cringing as he heard Etho stumble without his support. 

He stepped out the door and around the corner. He leaned against the side of the house, which he knew better than he would ever let up on, and for a moment let sobs wrack his body, tears streaming down his face. He could have fought with Etho back there, the two of them could have easily taken out his last two men and then they could have run off together. Instead he had chosen for––and helped––the love of his life to be captured. 

He forced himself to take a step towards his horse and nearly fell as his legs shook. He steadied himself and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Walking numbly to his horse and mounting, he watched as they walked Etho out of the building. His head was hung and they had to prod him with their swords to get him to walk faster. Nebris looked away.

~

Nebris didn't report when they got back. He should of, but he couldn't force himself. His eyes were red and puffy, he couldn't think straight, and in his current mood he would likely punch anyone he saw in the face.

He was called- requested- to the office three times. He didn't go, instead he crumpled into his chair and stared at the ceiling. It was off-white. He was beating himself up, knowing that Etho was alone in a cell, soon to be questioned. Worrying about that didn't leave much time for reflecting, but Nebris managed to tear apart every mistake he ever made multiple times.

He was left alone for a day, they left a meal in front of his door after dinner came and went. He tried to eat. The only thing on his mind was Etho in a prison cell. He suddenly couldn't remember how much they fed the prisoners or how often. He didn't eat the rest of the day.

He couldn't even sleep, though he ought to have suspected that that would be the case.

There was a knock on his door hours later, no one entered or spoke. The only sign that anyone had been there at all was a slip of paper, slid under his door with the message "Interrogating the prisoner in 5 minutes, room C." Nebris was up moments later. He mindlessly fixed his hair and beard, if only to pretend that he was presentable. He still felt terrible and probably looked that way, too. When he entered the viewing room for the interrogation he half expected Etho to look the same. 

Etho looked fine.

Good even.

As handsome as ever. 

His hair was brushed, although still all over the place, they had taken his mask and head band, he even looked relaxed. There was a smugness to his face that came from knowing he could take out the entire room in combat, all at once, maybe even while in handcuffs.

While Nebris was glad that Etho was okay, the fact that Etho was handling the entire situation far better than himself made him feel even worse. Then Vechs entered the room. He walked right up to Etho and spoke directly into his ear. His words were whispered and inaudible through the one way glass separating the two rooms. When he was finished, he left. Nebris looked back to Etho and the sudden change in attitude was horribly apparent. All his smugness was gone, his head fell, and his eyes glazed over.

Nebris barely noticed when Guude walked in, sat across the table from Etho, and started firing off questions. Nebris was solely focused on Etho. He gave up the answers without a fight. Ratting out locations and associates with only momentary hesitation. It took all of Nebris' self control to keep himself sitting and not running to Etho's side, screaming at everyone to leave him be. The thought never left his mind that he could have prevented all of this.

Guude left the room and who ever was beside Nebris spoke.

"If anyone has any further questions, speak now." Nebris had no idea what had been asked but it was safe to assume that Etho had no secrets left. It didn't matter to Nebris, he got up and entered the room. Nobody stopped him, though they probably should have. There was a flair of recognition in Etho's eyes when Nebris entered the room, it was gone moments later.

"What did the commander tell you?" Etho was strong, independent, and the smartest man Nebris knew. No one's words should of been able to affect him that much.

"Please, don't ask," his eyes were pleading and if Nebris didn't know better, he would say that they were on the verge of tears. 

"Etho, I'm sorry." Nebris knew that people were watching but in that moment all that mattered was making sure Etho knew that he didn't want this.

"No, I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew it would eventually come down to this. It's just- part of me of always hoped that when it happened I wouldn't be fighting alone." It was as close as it got to an accusation, but he didn't look angry, just hurt. Somehow, that made Nebris feel worse.

He stood numbly and left, at a loss for words and what to do. As people exited the viewing room they stared at him and Nebris didn't blame them. That nearly proved all the rumors. Etho was led out of the room, hands behind his back, head hung and anger surged through Nebris' veins. He looked so broken. How dare they. He burst into the Vechs's office, the door slamming into the wall with enough force to shake the paintings. Vechs didn't even look up from petting his cat.

"What did you tell Etho?" It wasn't a question, it was a demand. His voice strained with anger.

"I said if he didn't speak and tell the truth we would hurt you, and if tried he tried to escape we would kill you. You make an excellent bargaining tool, you know. I ought to keep that in mind. Maybe I could see it in me to forgive your relationship with the enemy if you say it meant nothing and it was all a scheme, orchestrated by me of course, hmm?" He said it all matter-of-factly then looked up, daring him to deny his love for Etho.

He could do it, he was a good enough liar and he doubted Vechs actually cared if he meant it.

Except he did love Etho. Etho was always on his mind. Even as he cursed at himself for falling love, he would do it all over again. He thought of Etho in the interrogation room, telling all his secrets and hiding the reason just to protect him. 

Before Nebris could think he punched Vechs square in the face then ran out of the room. He had no idea what he was doing, the only thing on his mind was Etho and everything Etho had done for him. Nebris didn't matter to Commander Vechs, but he mattered to Etho and Etho mattered to him.

He stormed down hallways, running around corners and shoving past people. His feet beat steadily into the hard floor. He took the stairs down to the cells two at a time, stopping only briefly to grab a set of keys from the guard room. He was watched with hidden curiosity, people peeking out of the corner of their eyes, but it didn't matter, he didn't plan on being around here for much longer anyway. When he reached the bottom landing he heard voices. He stopped and caught his breath, then proceeded quietly towards them, listening.

"-doesn't love you, he never loved you. The commander put him up to it. It was all a scheme. Face it, we would have never captured you if it weren't for him and you would have never spilled your secrets if we hadn't threatened him. And yet you still won't try to escape, cause if you did we would kill him, cause you still love him, even though he never loved you. Did you think he would ever love you? How pathetic." 

Nebris could have sworn he heard the guard spit. He didn't wait until the guard had rounded the corner to hit him in the temple, hard enough to knock him out, but not hard enough to kill him, barely. Tears were streaming down Nebris' face when he turned to look at Etho. He was sitting on the ground against the far wall. He wasn't crying, his eyes were glazed over with the same look of forced acceptance that Nebris had seen too much of. Nebris unlocked the cell and rushed forward, wrapping his arms around Etho and sobbing into his chest.

"What he said is a lie. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, This wasn't a scheme, just me. Etho, I love you."

Etho didn't say a word or move to hold Nebris. Nebris leaned back and searched Etho's eyes for the forgiveness he had always thought would be there when he needed it. Etho didn't even look at him. 

"Etho look at me, please." His voice was so small, pleading. Their eyes locked and Nebris saw hate. Suddenly, seeing that Nebris knew that losing his job could never hurt more this rejection. "I love you, I have always loved you. I made the wrong choice, siding with this place and I'll never make that mistake again. I love you, please believe me." Every time he could have run off with Etho came to mind, every time he was so close, if only he knew then what he knew now.

Etho didn't say word. 

"How can I prove that to you?" Nebris would do anything.

"Leave me alone." Please not that. Anything but that. Give up everything he wanted, to prove that it was everything he wanted. Etho didn't falter. So be it. He nodded glumly.

"Just one last thing." Nebris gave Etho a final hug. He could survive leaving Etho, if Etho would just give him one last hug. Etho didn't. Nebris kissed him anyway. He closed his eyes, trying to remember what kissing Etho used to feel like. It killed him that Etho didn't move, but it was most likely the last kiss he'd ever get, so he accepted it. He stepped away. "I'll never regret falling in love with you, but I do regret not telling you that sooner."

"I love you." If he never saw Etho again, let those be the last words between them.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, though more replaced them almost instantly. He dropped the keys at Etho's feet and left, turning to look back every few seconds. Part of him hoping Etho was following and all of him knowing he wasn't.

(Etho cursed when he learned that Nebris had left for good)

(because it proved so much, and left him with so little)


	3. And I, You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehh, if I felt like rewriting this I could make it better, but at this point I just want to post it

Nebris walked numbly, his brain spinning with so many thoughts that he couldn't actually process anything. It was probably better this way. He needed to get somewhere safe before he broke down sobbing. He was drawn to Etho's home, he told himself that it was because his own house wasn't safe, but really he just needed something to hold onto.

When it came into to view, Nebris saw the door was still open and the house was abandoned. It was dark and quiet. There was dried blood in small puddles on the floor and angry dents in the walls. Nebris couldn't help feeling how the house looked. Abandoned and broken. He walked inside and laid, with a thud, onto the bed. His body fell into the imprint of Etho's, pressed into the bed from years of use. He cried himself to sleep that night.

He spent his time wandering around the house and sharpening his sword so that when he was inevitably attacked he would be ready. He pretended it was necessary and not just busy work to keep his mind off Etho, though it never really worked.

He had taken to wearing one of Etho's masks. It smelled like him, like redstone and the night air, and it comforted him when he broke down sobbing at the hopelessness of it all.

He was prepared to wander aimlessly for the rest of his life and even death was an option, but a stubborn part of him made him stay, hoping Etho would escape and come home to him. He tried not think about any other possibilities, closing his heart and doing his best to ignore the constant ache in his chest.

Nebris was lying in bed awake when he heard the sound of horses. He had woken up in the middle of the night by the same nightmare he had every night. The pillow beside him was wet with tears.

No one ever came by Etho's house, that was why he had built it where he had, so the horses meant that his time was up. He could wait no longer. He eyed the door, he needed to run now. He rose and dressed quickly, he had only a small amount of time while the army dismounted and came to knock. He tied Etho's mask around his face and turned to leave giving a quick glance out the window to see the people who would tear this house down brick from brick to find and kill him. He opened the back door, but his eyes were still glued to the scene outside the window. He closed it. 

White hot anger surged through him, all the fear and loneliness that had been his only constant companion, boiled inside him. The source of all his misery was about to storm into his house and he had been prepared to run. The need for revenge bubbled up and he drew his sword, all previous thoughts of escaping, gone. His face set with grim determination and his violet eyes burned with anger.

He didn't answer when they knocked, so they broke down the door. He stood, waiting, behind it.

"I'll give you one chance to run, then . . . no guarantees." He forced himself to hold back, though he itched to kill them all.

"We won't be the ones running, not that we'll give you the chance." The leader of the group smirked and Nebris could have laughed. They outnumbered him, but that mattered little.

"So be it." Nebris lashed out, swinging at the speaker's arm. He was rewarded by a thin trickle of blood. Their over confident leader attacked, trying to push Nebris backwards into the opener room behind him, but the doorway formed a natural choke point where Nebris could face them one on one and that was an advantage he was going to make full use of. Their leader swung again in rapid succession, none of his swings landed, blocked easily. Nebris lunged slicing along his leg this time, then he jumped back out of sword range. However he wasn't prepared for their leader to stumble forward, falling onto him. It caught him off guard and the step he took backwards to regain his balance cost him the doorway.

The mini army surged through, swinging in unison. Nebris blocked most of the blades, and dodged more, but some still found purchase on his thin armor. He retaliated but he avoided giving death blows while they meant to kill. While he had to swing low and refrain from stabbing them, they could give it their all, and they still had numbers. 

A blade caught him in the back of the leg and Nebris stumbled momentarily before catching himself, then he slammed the hilt of sword into the offender's temple. He hadn't planned on knocking them unconscious but, as long as he left enough of them alive enough to carry the injured out he would be fine. 

The other five attackers faltered, they had probably thought the battle would be over by now. He struck next at the man to his left, his blade digging deep into his shoulder. The man cried out in pain, but switched his sword to the other hand. Two swords jabbed towards him, Nebris ducked beneath them and sliced along their legs before he stood up. Three of them stumbled, but they all held their ground. 

Sweat powered into his eyes, but he fought on. More lines of blood criss-crossed his enemies but he had to fight for every one of them. It dawned on him that it would take a lot more to bring them close enough to death to get them to run. But, Nebris' strength was fading fast, and he couldn't sustain too many more hits. 

Nebris drew upon his anger and used it to fuel a last attack. He swung in a fury of motion, pining one of the five to the wall, his blade pressed dangerously close to his throat.

"Last chance to run, I won't hesitate to kill you if you don't." His breath came in ragged pants, but he managed to keep his voice steady.

They swallowed loudly, then nodded sheepishly, scooped up their fallen comrade and turned tail. Nebris released the man pined by his blade and watched him flee.

For a moment, the thought of giving them a message for Etho crossed his mind. He pushed the thought away, anything he said would only push Etho farther away, and focused on his wounds. He removed his armor slowly, wincing at he slipped his chest piece up over his head. He fell to the couch when it was off, Nebris no longer had the strength to stand. His eyes closed of their own accord and he only hoped he wouldn't bleed to death.

In his dreams, his nightmare returned. His mind replayed the scene he had overheard when he snuck down to the prison cells, except this time the guard was speaking to him. Telling him that Etho never loved him and that it was all a scheme. He couldn't help but believe them.

He had always been certain of Etho's love for him. Even when everything was going wrong, he could count on that, but now he was alone. Etho didn't trust him anymore, he had lost the love of his life. The look of Etho's eyes filled with betrayal and hatred haunted him every time he closed his eyes.

Nebris woke a few hours later. His body ached with soreness and injury, he struggled to stand. The blood had crusted over his wounds and it hurt to peel off his shirt, but he needed to in order to clean them. He stepped with wobbly legs into his shower, leaning on the cool tile for support. His mind rebelled, screaming at him to flee before they returned, but the stubborn part of him wanted to stay as long as possible, holding out hope for Etho. The water fell heavily on his skin, pounding on the sore muscles, and it ran red.

He dried himself off gently, careful of the tender flesh, then set to work binding his wounds. The worst was the back of his leg, it wasn't the deepest, but it ran the length of his calf. He limped when he walked. He bandaged them all, gently wrapping them in cloth and by the time he had finished night had fallen. He was dying to lay down and sleep but he knew it was time to leave.

He gathered his supplies; a few days worth of food, a sleeping mat, and basic tools. His movements were slow as he walked to the front door. He reached the threshold and stopped, looking back for the perhaps the last time. He tried to leave but he was too stubborn to leave without leaving Etho a note. Some part of him still held on to a stubborn hope that Etho still loved him, even if all the proof was against it. On a slip of paper he wrote his intentions down quickly, then left it in Etho's dresser with his masks. The guards would not search there, but Etho would.

Once more, Nebris stood in the doorway, his hand resting on the wall. He hated to leave, but he shouldered his pack and shut the door behind him. Then he started to walk, only two things on his mind; finding somewhere to sleep and Etho. 

But then again Etho was always on his mind.

~

Etho stopped giving them information after Nebris left. They had lost all their leverage, but he couldn't find it in him to be happy. As much as he wanted to believe that Nebris loved him, there was that little voice in the back of his head that replayed the guards speech to him. 

It wasn't too long before they wanted information on Nebris. Apparently they hadn't realized exactly just what they were losing when Nebris left. 

They had started politely. Etho had refused; politely of course. 

Then there had been threats that they would find Nebris and kill him. But if Etho knew Nebris, he knew that he was hiding some where safe, some where the they would never think to look. On the other hand, if Nebris' love really was all just a cruel lie, it didn't matter. 

Then they had threaten to kill him, he knew they didn't want to––he was a valuable prisoner––but he believed them. And while at one point in time he would have been willing to die, he couldn't stand the thought of leaving Nebris alone- even if he had done worse already. They had a sword at his throat, the blade leaving a thin line of blood.

"Where is Nebris?" It was the same question over and over again. He had learned that they planned to kill Nebris for treason. He remained silent. He didn't know what he was hoping for. They would let him go free? He knew how to escape, could of left a while ago. Even while he believed that he knew where Nebris was, it was easier to hold onto the hope that he was waiting for him then to leave and find out he wasn't. So he stayed.

The blade on his neck pressed harder, each breath painful. He'd only lasted a week. Etho closed his eyes, "My house." It took every last ounce of strength he had left to speak and even as he did, tears slid down his face. If this was how Nebris had felt every day working here, he was amazed he held out so long, and a little proud.

The pressure on him let up suddenly and he fell to the floor. His body fell limply to the stone with a thud. He heard the frantic sounds of a team being dispatched as he was dragged back to his cell, but they were filtered through the sounds of his sobbing. He was thrown into his cell, the bars swinging shut behind him with the screech of metal on metal.

He cried himself to a restless sleep, accusing himself for not leaving sooner, thinking of Nebris sound asleep and waking up with a blade to his throat.

Etho woke to the angry shouts of guards that he had come to associate with a failed mission. He raised his head from the stone floor, looking out into the darkened hallway.

"What happened?" The gruff voice of the head dungeon master asked.

"Nebris happened, took all six of us on at once, barely made it out alive." The reply was breathy and hoarse. Etho smiled sadly, thinking about him fighting alone and suddenly he couldn't stand the thought of staying any longer. He ignored the fear that threatened to freeze him. Etho patted his hip, feeling for the reassuring bump of the key tucked into his pants. He had removed it from the ring of keys that Nebris had dropped when he left and he had kept it carefully hidden.

He waited patiently till the sounds outside his cell quieted then stopped, the only sound the footsteps of the guard patrolling. He slipped the key out and waited poised till the guard turned the corner. He reached around the outside of the cell and fumbled for a moment trying to insert the key into a lock he couldn't see. It slipped into place and he turned it gently, sucking in a sharp breath when it clicked open. Etho pushed the bars open slowly, trying to minimize the squeaking. He pushed it just far enough open to slip out then bolted for the exit. His steps were light and silent from years of practice and no one noticed as he ducked around empty corridors and out the door. 

The air was brisk and cool and fresh, so different from the stale air in the cells. Etho took a deep breath of it then set off in a run into the night. He hoped to reach his home before Nebris left, but he knew Nebris wasn't stupid; he would be long gone.

The house was deserted when he reached it, but the signs of the recent battle were all too apparent. Looking at the fresh blood stains on the floor, he hoped none of it was Nebris'. He knew he needed to move quickly but he had run the entire way here and he needed sleep. His body ached with exhaustion. He stumbled to his bed, it had been slept it recently and it made Etho smile as he laid down. Then he noticed that the pillow was damp and smelled slightly of lavender. Etho closed his eyes and tried not to think about Nebris crying in his sleep, and especially not over him. It was hard to fall asleep after that.

The sun was far higher in the sky than it should have been when he woke, Etho cursed at himself for sleeping so long, even as he knew he would need the rest to over take Nebris. He pulled himself out of bed and changed into fresh clothes. It was comforting being in his own clothes again, rather than prison garb, and even more so to feel the familiarity of his mask around his face. A piece of paper fluttered to the ground as he reached to tie it.

The handwriting was very obviously Nebris', though it was shaky. It said that Nebris was going to walk north, that was all. Etho wasn't sure what he had been hoping for, but he took what he could. 

He packed a bag quickly, and left his home. He shielded his eyes to look at the sun, trying to gauge which direction north was.

~

Nebris gave a last glance at Etho's home. Memories of good times, of long talks, of games played made him smile, even as his brain told him it was over. He forced himself to continue walking.

He found a cave about a few miles away, he would have preferred somewhere farther, but his legs threatened to give way at any moment and for once he didn't push his luck. With his eyes half open he laid out his bed roll and climbed wearily into it. He didn't tempt fate with a fire. He was fast asleep moments later, for once too tired to dream.

It was early morning when he woke and despite having slept over twelve hours he still felt tired. He splashed water from a nearby stream on his face and reached into his pack for something edible. Whatever it was tasted terrible, but Nebris was beyond caring. He shoved his stuff back into his pack and resumed walking. The sun was bright on his face and the wind was pleasant yet Nebris gave neither a second thought as he walked with his head down. 

The grass was a beautiful shade of green and somewhere in Nebris brain, away from where he was focused on his current misery, he remembered how Etho would smile and light up when he saw green grass.

He pushed those thoughts from his mind and focused on walking. As the sun finished its assent and began to retreat over the horizon each step became painful. His injured leg burned and he wanted to give up, but he was stubborn. As the light started to fade Nebris began searching for a place to rest, deciding on a clump of trees where he could string up a piece of fabric for a make-shift tent. He made a fire this time with only minimal shaking of his hands and sat down beside it, letting himself get lost in the gentle flickering.

Nebris heard movement outside of his clearing and turned to watch as Etho stepped in to view. His heart stopped, soaring with joy. It took all of his self control to keep himself from running forward and kissing him. The biggest smile stretched across his face, then he remembered why he had left in the first place and the dreams that had haunted him since that night came rushing back. His biggest fear, that Etho didn't love him. 

Etho didn't move towards him, they both stood frozen, eyes locked. Nebris' head fell fearing the worst. The tiny sliver of hope he had held onto for so long, slipping out of his grasp. It felt like a knife digging into his chest.

~

Etho didn't know what to do, the fear that Nebris' love was a lie never ceased to leave his mind. He raised his sword, scared to trust and he watched Nebris break. His head fell and his body went limp. It broke his heart.

~

After all Nebris had done, Etho was going to kill him. Nebris drew his sword and dropped it on the ground, nearly throwing it.

"I know you don't trust me," his voice was harsher than he had expected, anger and fear that he had held in, spilling out, cutting through the silence. Etho didn't object. The knife in his heart twisted and it burned. He tried to shield himself against pain.

~

For once the only barriers between them were ones they had created themselves. Etho's eyes were filled with uncertainty. Nebris had nothing left, he felt empty. He didn't even have the strength to cry. Both of them grasping furiously at a spark of hope, scared to stay silent and let their love slip away and terrified to speak up. The room held it's breath.

"Why?" There were so many things that Etho could have asked about, but standing there, so close to everything he had ever wanted, he pushed away the fear that had followed him and braced himself for the worst. He gestured to the mask tied around Nebris' face.

"It was all of you I had left." Etho's breath hitched. All of his fear that Nebirs' love had been a lie vanished in that moment. Then he saw the hurt and the fear and the worry in Nebris' eyes and he knew that it was his fault. He looked so broken, so scared.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me." Etho begged, looking at Nebris, pleading with him to believe him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Nebris, I love you." In that moment he knew what Nebris had felt that day in the cell and tears cascaded down his face at the thought. That he could have ever done that to his wonderful Nebris, killed him. Nebris clutched his sides and slid to the floor, his voice was thick and sad and confused when he spoke.

"I don't know what to believe anymore." He covered his face with his hands. "I loved you but I let my stupid job get in the way. I'll never forgive myself for what I let happen to you. I was so worried that they would kill you, or convince you and that you would stop loving me." He drew a shaky breath, "I thought that I had ruined my only chance at happiness." He didn't mention how close he had come to giving up, to just lying down and letting death take him. Sobs wracked his body, the pain in his chest bordering on unbearable.

"Do you love me?" Nebris raised his head at the question, momentarily silent. His eyes were red and his face was wet. Then there was a sad smile.

"Yes. Always and forever. There hasn't been a moment that you weren't on my mind."

Etho smiled, and it was small and weak but it was the happiest he had been in the longest time.

"And I, you."

(Etho held out his hand)

(And Nebris took it with a smile)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all love <3


End file.
